User:Fallenangel/Suggestions

Suggestions This is the page where I allow only suggestions. These include things you would like to see put into my story ONLY. if you want me to take something out of my story, go to Criticism

A little revision

Hello! M'aiq saw your very nice story, and liked it immediately! However, M'aiq also noticed a few spelling mistakes and other inconsistencies. So, M'aiq decided to revise your great story (: This is not to give you a bad feeling, but just to improve your story, of course (: M'aiq^{M'aiq thinks talk serves no purpose.} 19:28, 27 August 2007 (EDT)

Walking along the Bitter Coast, Keirsten found herself being tempted by the mysterious looks of a Daedric Shrine- one that she hadn't noticed before. As she asked around town about it, no-one seemed to know what she was talking about. She went to consult her best friend, the legendary warrior people now know as Nerevar (she just called him George). He was an Imperial with black hair worn like a a ponytail. She convinced him to go with her. However, when he walked over to the area, he didn't notice a thing and swore on his life he did not see anything. Now more tempted than ever she told him to go on home, while she prepared to have a look herself. She told him that if she didn't return in a few days, she was in trouble.

She walked into the Ruin and was surprised by an unusually nice Winged Twilight. It walked with her and talked in plain english. "What are you doing in our humble shrine?" She Hissed.

"I was too tempted to give it up so easily. You speak English, what's your name?"

"Nothing you would be able to pronounce, but you can call me Durgin."

"Well, Durgin, Whose shrine is this?"

"Who am I an avatar of?" And it, Durgin, hissed.

"I see. This is a shrine to Azura then. Well Durgin, will you give me a tour?"

"Gladly."

They walked around the shrine and after some time, Durgin reached the inner shrine. Suddenly, Durgin kicked Keirsten in the back of the leg making her fall face-down in front of a statue of Azura when Durgin hissed: "Pay your respects!"

Keirsten said, "My Mistress Azura, I cry to you! Give me you strength to fight, your wings for flight and your eyes for the Night!"

At that moment the statue of Azura wept. The tears turned into a dark mist which came over Keirsten like a cocoon, and was absorbed by her skin. Her face turned darker. Her eyes bacame slits. And her back sprouted wings. She tore off her shirt and grabbed a red shirt next to her, and put it on.

Durgin hissed, "Well Done, you may go home."

Keirsten went straight to Seyda Neen where she knew George would be. When she left the shrine and the sun hit her face, most of the dark tint left, but a little bit remained. She met up with George and said, "We need to talk at your house now!"

"Why?" George questioned.

"No time to explain."

Keirsten quickly ran to the silt strider and when George catched up, they took a trip to Balmora, ran to Rethan Manor and entered George's private chamber.

"What's wrong?" George insisted.

"You tell me," Keirsten said, lifting up her shirt and revealing the wings.

"So, you were blessed by Azura, what's the big deal?"

"I'm a WINGED TWILIGHT!"

"Who was your guide?"

"What?!"

"Who guided you to Azura?"

"Durgin."